Defeat, stupidity, deception, disappointment, anger, fear, distress, heartache, sorrow. That's me right now. It's time to pick up the pieces and move on. I made a very, very tough decision. I'm abandoning ship. Ricardo has no more minutes left on his phone so I found a pay phone about a mile away in front of the library and arranged a flight departing New York at 1:59 pm tomorrow, arriving to San Diego at 8:19 pm. Then I must face the reality and result of my actions. Sometimes I think that it would be better if I were a drug addict or drunk, then I could blame my failures on my habit. But instead I'm a hard-working honest man with a strong desire to do good and live a purposeful life full of passion. So what can I blame my failures on? I can't hide. It's all me. And especially this time. I stepped out and took a risk. I told a lot of people about this incredible trip and all the wonderful photos and video documentation we were to do, and it's over before it could begin.
The three of us - Ricardo, Felipe, and I had a talk this morning about the situation and how Alberto wants to do so much to the boat to get it ready and he overlooks the basics plus he's cheap about some things. The electronics are really good but other stuff is ridiculously cheap. For example, the zodiac inflatable boat he bought for one-hundred dollars. It is in terrible condition and requires several patches where it is punctured. He also wants to paint it because it is so faded from the sun. It's laughable. The zodiac is a piece of junk. He could have saved so much time by just buying a decent used zodiac for a few hundred dollars more. There's so much work needed to be done inside the boat and the refrigerator needs to be bolted to the floor but the boards are broken under one side of it. I'm surprised how poorly planned this trip is. It's crazy because Alberto is very experienced and knows his technical stuff and logistics really well, but is a poor planner and very misinformed about nutrition. No one is going to convince me that a high sugar diet is essential when you're at sea. No one will convince me that top raman noodles, brownies, coca cola, and spam contain essential nutrients we need at sea.
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| My sleeping quarters |
Well, it's over. It's getting dark. It rained a lot today. There's a small leak above my bed that drips when it rains. Got on the water at least a little today with Ricardo. We went out on a tiny zodiac inflatable boat he was testing the engine on. We ended up having to row back to the dock because it overheated after about five minutes. Everything except the electronics and camera gear is being refurbished on this boat. I don't understand why he didn't get a better boat. he has spent more on the electronics than what the boat cost him. While we were re-rigging the anchors, I told the guys that I will have to go back to California and continue working there until this thing is ready to sail. I just don't have the time to be gone so long. It's a shame because we work so well together and I like working with them, plus I'm practicing my Portuguese which is surprisingly good.
Tomorrow morning I leave, and they don't even know it yet.
Bem, ja vou indo. Estou com sono mas antes de dormir vou tirar algumas fotos a fora.
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ReplyDeletehey, I've seen defeat, and what you have done is totally the opposite. You stood with courage and sacrifice to chase after your dreams. You did what I would say most men can not even bring themselves to once in their lives. That is face there most inner self, and challenge it with sacrifice and support of your family. And to that chad, I salute you!!!
ReplyDeleteP.s. but for real no pics or video. JK
Thanks Shawn. I appreciate your words.
ReplyDelete